Title: “How Much I Love You, But Actually, I Hate You”
By Olivia Meilinda Davtin Pesireron (Yippie)
Dedication
To Ishaq Irfan Farizal (Icak),
The paradox in my heart.
Chapter 1: The Beginning of Us
The first time I saw you, I felt something I couldn’t
explain—curiosity, attraction, and a little annoyance because you seemed
so perfect. That perfection intrigued me, and soon enough, we became
something more.
Chapter 2: Why I Love You
Your smile lights up even my darkest days. Your kindness reaches
places in me I didn’t know existed. You’re smart, funny, and undeniably
you. Loving you felt like the easiest thing I’ve ever done.
Chapter 3: Why I Hate You
But then, you’re also infuriatingly stubborn. You’re too perfect for
your own good, and it drives me crazy. Sometimes, I hate how much I care
for you because it makes me feel vulnerable.
Chapter 4: The Conflicted Heart
Every time we argue, every time you leave your socks lying around or
forget something important, I feel this mix of love and frustration.
It’s like my heart is waging a war it doesn’t know how to win.
Chapter 5: The Moments That Matter
Despite the hate, there’s no denying the moments we share—the
laughter, the late-night talks, the way you hold me when I’m feeling
down. It’s in these moments I realize I could never truly hate you.
Chapter 6: Love Wins, Always
At the end of the day, my love for you overshadows everything else.
The hate? It’s just a layer of passion, a reminder of how deeply I feel
for you. You’re my paradox, my love, my frustration, and my home.
Chapter 7: You’re Ugly, Inside and Out, But It’s Strange
Icak, let me be honest. Sometimes, you’re not as perfect as I make
you out to be. Your attitude? Ugh, it drives me insane. You’re stubborn,
selfish, and sometimes you say the wrong thing at the wrong time. And
don’t get me started on the way you refuse to admit when you’re
wrong—it’s maddening.
But here’s the weird part: even with all of that, I still can’t stop
loving you. It’s like your flaws are part of the charm. They make you
human, real, and mine. Maybe it’s because those imperfections remind me
that you’re not a fantasy—you’re just as complicated and messy as I
am.
The truth is, even when you’re at your worst, I still see the best in
you. Maybe that’s what love is: choosing someone, flaws and all, and
sticking with them anyway.
Epilogue: For You, Forever
Icak,
If I hate you, it’s only because I love you too much. And if I love you,
it’s because you’ve shown me the kind of love I didn’t know was
possible.
Love,
Yippie
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